Rah! I'm a Pyranha!

Feeeshy! WAKE UP!

Because I took the time to look it up

Remember that old Taco Bell song?

I'm just a guy, just a man, just a dude and I'm hun-gryyyyy
And I'm moving real fast 'cause I'm going first class for a steak at Taco Bell.

Jonesin' for
A grilled steak taco
Steak's the king of meats

So I run and I walk 'cause I can't find my horse to ride there
Gotta shimmy, gotta shake for a marinated steak, a steak at Taco Bell.

Grilled steak taco
At Taco Beeeeellllllll! [gong.]

Golf lessons

For the past couple of days, my work assignment has been to read strangers' emails that all somehow relate to golf. Sure, it's tangentially related to an antitrust issue we're working on. And document review is usually one of the suckier jobs young lawyers have to do. But this week, I can't complain. Ask me what a mulligan is, what "country club casual" means, and what a Florida scramble entails. I'm all over this foreign golf language. And I've got a few sexist golf-jokes to boot.

Noteworthy dinners

Recently, two events reminded me that, regardless of my age, I'm barely an adult. Sure, I have a full-time office job, pay bills and change my oil regularly. That's pretty grown-up. But holy cow is there a long road ahead in the world of adulthood.

Rob and I were invited to dinner by another married couple that we barely knew. They seem completely nice and not Jehovah's Witnesses/Pyramid Schemers, so why not? But we soon realized this was foreign territory for us. Dinner with friends, no problem. Work-related dinner with strangers, piece of cake. But this "let's be friends and start getting to know each other by having dinner" with a couple at a nice restaurant was a first. What do I wear? What do we talk about? Those questions are easy when it's dinner with friends or a work meal. A: whatever's on the floor that I was too lazy to put in a drawer/suit; bathroom humor and "The Office"/resumes and interest in the firm. With one minor quirk*, dinner was just fine. I feel like it was a little milestone. We're beginning to enter the land of couple's dining. It feels strange, and it makes me feel slightly older.

Then last night, I joined another friend's home dinner party. Turns out everyone else there had a toddler in tow and most of the moms had another one on the way. Dinner with toddlers is the complete opposite of dinner with couples. Replace dimly lit restaurants and soft music with kids weaving siren-wailing Tonka trucks anywhere there was space and parents tring to maintain health and peace with the use of some old-fashioned bartering. Offer Toddler #2 a yogurt popsicle in exchange for the golf club that she's about to levy onto Toddler #3's head. Highly amusing for me as a spectator sport. But I'm so not there yet.

What's so interesting is that the people on the other side of the tables were so comfortable in their roles. Here I am like a crab transitioning between shell sizes, with my bug eyes twitching back and forth. I'm sure it's a gradual process and it'll feel fine once you get all settled in. Then soon enough, it becomes time for the next shell.



* The couple (not newlyweds) would spontaneously start kissing and nuzzling each other between courses. Ears, arms, necks. Rob and I just kind of sat and stared at the ceiling and passing waiters whenever this happened. We've since confirmed that this is not typically part of the couple's dining ritual. Quite glad.